The 12 Days of Christmas
(This is a parody of the famous poem, I changed a bit of the wording of it to make it 
more in line with Strawberry Shortcake)

December 14, 2003 

My dearest darling John: 

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Banana Twirl in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express 
my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.  Just one thing, I can't climb.  How do I get 
the damned thing down?  Can you - like - buy me a ladder next time?
 

December 15, 2003 

Dearest John: 

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two Teatime Turtles and a few doves. I'm just
delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.  The turtles - they're plastic, so they don't poop
over everything like the doves do.  Don't suppose you'd consider coming to pick up the doves, eh?
 

December 16, 2003

Dear John: 

Oh!  Aren't you the extravagant one.  Now I must protest.  I don't deserve such generosity, three original
Berrykins. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.  That said, I don't think Sour Grapes
was ever a Berrykin, how - nevermind... 
 

December 17, 2003 

Dear John: 

Today the postman delivered four Party Pleasers.  Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough
is enough?  You are being too romantic.  That and I think the postman thinks I have a thing for him - oh God! 
The bill you must be running up on eBay must be astronomical!
 

December 18, 2003 

Dearest John: 

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five cute Huckleberry Pies.  You're just impossible, but I love it. 
Frankly, those stupid doves squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.  Ahem, one of the people you 
haven't paid on eBay has threatened me by letter, she said you said I'd pay! 
 

December 19, 2003 

Dear John: 

When I opened the door today there were actually six Gooseberries laying on my front steps. So you're back to 
the birds again, huh?  These geese are cute, but come on - six?  Where will I ever keep them?  The neighbors 
are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket of the stupid doves - thought you were coming to get them? 
Please stop!   That eBayer knows where I live now - great!
 

December 20, 2003

John - LOOK!: 

What's with you and those silly birds?  Seven Berry Birds a swimming?  What kind of joke is this?  And, about 
the real birds - those freakin' doves - there's sky high bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. 
I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck.  It's not funny.  So stop with the birds. 
 

December 21, 2003

O.K. Buster: 

I think I prefer the birds.  What the heck am I going to do with eight Blowkiss maids a milking?  It's not enough 
with all those birds and 8 Blowkisses a milking, but they had to bring their nappies. Good thing they don't poop 
like those stupid, stupid doves.  Ahhh!!  Just lay off, already - capiche? 
 

December 22, 2003

Hey Doodoohead: 

What are you?  Some kind of sadist?  Now there's nine Talking SSC playing.  And boy do they TALK!!  They've
never shut up since they got here yesterday morning and I can't turn them off!  The doves are flipping out and 
they're creating havoc.  The neighbours have since called the police!  What am I going to do? The neighbors 
have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours! 
 

December 23, 2003

You piece of crap: 

Now there's ten Ballerina SSC dancing.  I don't know why I call them ladies.  They've been flirting with those 
Hucks all night long.  Now the doves can't sleep and they've got diarrhea.  My living room is a river of poop.  The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm 
calling the police on you! 
 

December 24, 2003

Listen ?#*!head: 

What's with those eleven Frappe Frogs a leaping with those Blowkiss maids? All twenty-three of the birds are 
dead. They've been trampled to death by the Ballerinas, Frappes and Blowkiss.  I hope you're satisfied, you 
swine.   May it be on your head in hell!
 

December 25, 2003

Dear Sir: 

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve Brazilian Jelly dolls drumming which you have seen fit to inflict 
on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come 
to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have 
been instructed to shoot you on sight. 

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest. 

Cordially, 
Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Coale