Alopecia

This page was last updated on

Friday, May 24, 2002 11:58 AM

Welcome to My Alopecia Journal

I don't know what is going to happen to me. I am just going along with it.

What can I tell you. I'm scared, I'm upset and I want it all to be over.

I just want to wake up and for it to all to go back to the way it was.

I want for this stupid spot to disappear. But that is not an option here and I have to deal with it. This page may take a bit to load

Here is what I look like this picture was taken with my webcam - July 2001.

Here is my Bald Spot I discovered it on August 31, 2001

This picture was taken on September 8, 2001

It is located toward the front on the right side of my head.

Up Close look

The part you see above is not a natural part and I have never had that before. My only guess is that hair is also falling out in that area. If you look closely you can see one hair holding on for dear life in the middle of my Bald spot. That poor little hair is not a quitter is it.

My next appointment is on September 20, 2001. I am waiting for my oral medication to come in. The Pharmacy said they had to order them and I should get them next week. I had to tell my daughter what is happening to me because she kept insisting that I tell her what the doctor said. She is 7 years old and she took it well. My husband has been supportive of me. He knows how I feel about my hair. He said "If your hair does fall out, You will look just like a baby doll" "You will look so cute!" I wanted to smile and slap him all at the same time. I know what he is really saying is that he loves me with or with out hair. You wouldn't believe the thoughts that run through a persons head when they go through something like this.

What if all my hair falls out and no one wants to be around me?
What if my husband/wife doesn't find me attractive anymore?
What if my spouse leaves me?
No one will want me after this!
What if my child/children are ashamed of me?
What if no one wants to touch me again?
What if other people in my family get it and blame me!
Can I ever show my face in public again?

The worst thing is that many times the things above do happen. You don't want to look in the mirror anymore. Every time you brush your hair and see hair in the brush you cry and sometimes plead with it to not fall out.

We normally lose hair everyone does. But when you have Alopecia you wonder if the hair that is coming out is just normal hair loss or if it is coming out and leaving you FOREVER!

September 9, 2001

Ok so I tried this Shampoo and Cream last night. Just thought I would mention that this shampoo is 50.00 dollars for a 4 oz bottle. I could use half of the damn bottle in one shampoo. At first it tingled a bit then burned a little. The burning wasn't to bad but the itching didn't feel good. I hate itching. The symptoms didn't last long and the cream that I applied after didn't do anything. WONDERFUL some of you may say. But the thing is if your scalp doesn't get irritated then that means the shampoo and cream are not working well. The best hair growth is in people who have the most severe reactions. My husband helped me apply the shampoo and I did the cream myself. So I don't know what to think of the small reaction I had, is it good or bad. I guess a little reaction is better than none right? I am not going to think about it to much I might drive myself in the nut house.

September 20, 2001

I went to my appointment this morning. I was very nervous because I knew that today was the day I started the Shots. My stomach was a horrible mess and I was just trying not to think about it. I have been using the shampoo and the cream and have not been having any type of reaction. I just got my oral meds. It seems like a one week order ended up being a 2 week one. I am going to start next week instead of right now. I cant have any alcoholic drinks while on the meds. I am not a drinker but my anniversary is next week and that is the one time that I have a pina colada and I want to enjoy my anniversary dinner that my Mom is taking us to.

This is the Center that I go to

The Center is called Pelham Bay Professional Center

There are a bunch of private doctors there that are Specialists in their fields.

It is a very clean and nice looking. I really like it there.

My doctor is with Advanced Dermatology Associates.

His name is Dr. Jaeger Lawrence D. MD.

He is very efficient and also very kind. He works quickly and explains thoroughly. I like him and all of his patients say the same thing.

Usually you are not allowed to take pictures of procedures.
But since I was making a online journal the Doctor allowed me a couple.

I wanted to take a picture of him also but he didn't want me to.

This part was way more difficult than I thought it would be. I thought he would put the needle in and give me a shot and that was it. But it doesn't work like that. They take the needle and repeatedly stick you with it again and again. He does it very fast and the only way I can describe it is like getting a tattoo. I have never had a tattoo, but I am guessing that this is what it is like. I felt like he was running a sewing machine on my head. He stuck me a bit then patted my head because I was bleeding and then started again. He went through this about 3 times then he finished.

I hated it I just truly hated it! After I left I started to feel a weird sensation on the right side of my face and in my ear. It spread to my forehead and all over my head. I felt burning and then stinging all of a sudden. I felt like my head was heavy. The bald spot ached and then the aching spread to all over my head. Even now hours later I still feel the effects. I don't now how to explain this sensation I feel but I can tell you it is something I really detest. And guess what I get to do it all over again in 2 more weeks!

I do have some good news. I found the Nizoral Shampoo that cost me $50.00 for a 4 OZ bottle on a website for less than $10.00 a bottle. The more you buy the less it is also. This is the site I found it at.

Net Pharmacy.co.nz

They sell 100ml bottle for under $10.00 each and you can buy many at once.

You can get 10, 100ml bottles of Nizoral 2% for $77.00

I also found and ordered the Nizoral Conditioner at the below site.

12oz bottle for $6.49

drugstore.com

I must say that this shampoo is very good and I like it a lot. I will tell you how the conditioner works later on. I am very tired and feel sick now. Below you can see how much bigger my bald spot is now. 2 weeks has made a difference. Me and my husband just sat and stared at the pictures.

I really cant believe this is happening to me.

Night of September 30, 2001 - Early morning of Oct 1, 2001

I haven't posted more because I have not felt well. I started getting a head ache that just wouldn't go away. I seemed ok but then I would just want to throw up. I was enjoying this nice meal a couple of days after the shots and then I started gagging. My husband looked at me and then said "Look the garbage can I right there!" I reached for it but was able to hold back from vomiting. I have a weird feeling in my chest like a tightness then it goes away. My eyes are so itchy but I don't know if that is because of the shots or allergies. I was coughing often and I was SO TIRED. I finally started feeling a bit better. I did go to my anniversary dinner and enjoyed it very much. I have waited for today to start the pills and I ate some food and took one. Now it is about 4 hours later and I have a headache already. I started feeling sick to my stomach about a half hour ago and I want to vomit now. But I keep thinking "I AM NOT SICK IT IS THE PILLS!" I don't know if that is helping. I have to go this Thursday for shots again on the 4th SIGH. I want to sleep but I think I am going to put a bucket next to the bed just in case.

October 29, 2001

I know I haven't written in this Journal for a long time. Something terrible has happened. On October 2, 2001 my husband passed away. He went in for a very minor foot surgery and came home and died 2 hours later. This is still under investigation. Well you can imagine that I have been a total mess. I stopped taking my oral meds, the cream, the shampoo, the shots, everything has been at a stand still. I just didn't want to bother. I basically felt like my life was torn and I didn't care if my hair fell out. I lost my husband who cares about hair right. Well something strange is happening. The very day after his death I began to fell a fuzz on my bald spot. I really thought I was going crazy so I ignored it. But it is true the hair for some reason is growing back. One person told me that it is my husband's sprit touching my spot and making the hair grow. I thought it was probably a chemical reaction that triggered the hair to grow. I mean with all that is happening to me that could happen. Either way It is coming back. I would much rather be bald with my husband than have my hair without him. I miss him dearly. If you would like to see my husband memorial just go back the index and click the links to his memorial Pages.

Pictures of my bald spot Oct 29, 2001

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